So it's no secret that my life has been a struggle as of late... things have been pretty shitty. Between failing the bar, being underemployed and broke, feeling lost about where I want to live (I am taking the Illinois bar again in February but I've been having major regrets about that decision... and I'm never someone who has a hard time making a decision), etc etc etc., things are kinda rough. I'll be the first to admit that I've been down in the dumps. And if you follow me on twitter you've witnessed some of it... although I've tried to keep it off twitter for the most part since no one likes someone who bitches all the time.
It's also no secret that I've been single for a loooong time... almost four years to be exact. I've met a couple guys in the meantime, but nothing serious has ever happened. Like I'm not joking when I say I've been SINGLE for four years... and for the most part I've actually been fine with it. Sometimes I get lonely, but the fact that I have no drama in my life due to a dumb boy is also really nice.
I'm not even going to get in to the deets of the ex... what's in the past is in the past. It definitely still hurts sometimes, but I'm really over it.
So here's where I write about my recent adventures in dating.
I told you guys about how I joined eharmony. I actually never ended up going on a date with anyone from eharmony because all of my matches were SO AWFUL. I am seriously SO glad that that 3 month subscription is over so I don't get any more depressing e-mails of the 22 year old 5'6" tall guys who live in the suburbs with their parents. Kill me.
So for the gazillionth time in the last 4 years, I had given up on dating. And then I met a guy (who I called "the dude") about a month ago. I actually even blogged about how I met someone and he seemed totally great. In all honesty - perfect on paper. We hung out a few times and had a great time together. He was both and tall and made me laugh a lot which are my two biggest things. He's Catholic and goes to church, has a pretty good job, and is tall. I mean seriously... that's like everything I care about right there... and then I just stopped hearing from him. Nothing happened, which is fine, because HELLO we were not dating so it's not like we needed to have a breakup conversation. And it's SO NOT LIKE ME to get so upset about something like that... but I definitely did. I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I was that dumb girl that shed tears over someone I barely knew. Hello... I DON'T CRY! And seriously... we weren't dating... get over it! I know my friends were so sick of hearing about him. And twitter too (sorry guys!).
I swore after how devastated I was after the ex and I broke up that I would never be that way about a guy again. And obviously it's not as bad... actually not bad at all in comparison, but it effected me way more than I thought it would.
And after this disappointment with the dude that I actually liked and who apparently didn't like me, I don't even know anymore. I know everyone says that it happens when you least expect it... but honestly, I don't even WANT to date anymore. Because I figure I have two options... I either am kind of lonely but mostly fine, or I'm freaking out about some random guy and "why hasn't he called me? Does he like me?"
HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?!!?! It's so annoying. I hate being that girl.
I.hate.dating. It.sucks. But I also feel like I'm really ready to be with someone. But this beginning stages of dating? Some people say it's exciting. It's not.
So of course after things sort of fell apart with the dude, I said I wasn't dating anymore.... and then, last night, I did.
I went on a blind date.
It was fine. Not wonderful, not awful. It was whatever. I don't think I'll hear from him again, and that's fine.
But still... dating sucks.
So those of you who are single and wading the dating waters? I feel you.
And those of you who are married or have significant others? Consider yourselves very lucky.