My dog has an STD and it's going to cost 350 dollars to have it surgically removed

Honestly, could I make shit like this up?!

So Elle Woods the dog had two growths appear on her lower lip about three weeks ago (i took a picture but I'll spare you the details, they're gross), and I didn't think much of them, but since it's been three weeks now and they haven't gone away, I decided to go ahead and take her into the vet and get them looked at.

So basically, long story short, my slutty dog has an STD.
Okay, well not really, but the vet said it was most likely a papilloma virus, similar to HPV. And of course I'm giggling the whole time thinking about how I should have gotten her the gardasil shot and how she was probably hosting gang bangs while I was sitting in civil procedure, but I'm sorry, that's really funny. ... How does a dog even get a papilloma virus? S'ing other dogs D's? baahahaha....

Poor pup... and poor me. this surgery is going to cost 350 bucks!!!

iPod Shuffle Game

I'm really on a roll with this frequent posting thing... don't worry, summer school starts in a week, it'll die down quickly.

Did this before with a group and we made up questions... it was hilarious. Here's a try on my own with questions I copied from a couple different places

Shuffle game rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to each question.
4. Cheating optional (although I swear I didn’t cheat on any of these)

• Describe your first date.
• "Touch of my Hand" by Britney Spears .... hahahah this is especially hilarious because I'm like probably one of the biggest prudes ever and it is SO not true. iPod, stop trying to make me slutty!
  
• What is your personal religion?
• "You set me free" by Michelle Branch... Interesting. I would venture to say that at most times I would say that my personal religion is quite the opposite of freeing. God wants me to loosen up? Okay then. (Actually this is probably God trying to tell me stop judging people, but whatever.)
  
• What do you think of your current hometown?
• "Mr. Jones" by the Counting Crows ... I'm not sure about this one ipod. Come on, you can do better.
  
• What do you feel guilty about?
• "Apologize (remix)" by OneRepublic .. I mean I guess I should apology more often. Maybe that's the problem, I DON'T feel guitly for not apologizing? Hey, sorry I'm not sorry.
  
• What embarrasses you?
• "Cry my a River" by Justin Timberlake... true. I do get embarassed when I cry because I hate girls that cry all the freaking time.
  
• What's your greatest fear?
• "California Love" ... I mean I guess I am pretty scared of falling in love with a hippie? come on ipod...
  
• What's your biggest weakness?
• "Beer for my horses" - ha. Booze in general maybe?
  
• What's the biggest thing you learned in school?
• "No News" - Lonestar. Ha. really?!
  
• What did you dream your life would be like as a child?
• "Big Man in Town" from Jersey Boys... okay now this is legit, I have totally always pictured my life being one where I was very important.
  
• What was your first serious girlfriend/boyfriend like?
• "Honey" by Mariah Carey...
  
• "Honey, You can have me when you want me
  You just simply ask me to be there
  And you're the only one who makes me come running
  Cause what you got is far beyond compare
  
  And its just like honey
  When your love comes over me
  Oh baby, I've got a dependency
  Solely strung out for another taste of your honey" ... uhhh YEAH I'd say that level of obsession is just about right. on both of our parts.
  
• What were you doing 10 years ago?
• "The World" by brad Paisley... ha. not quite at age 13.
  
• What will you be doing in 10 years?
• "Alcohol" by Brad Paisley... alright honestly, how did these 2 songs come up together? But really... that's prob. what I'll be doing in 10 years. Drinking and making poor decisions. Location TBD.
  
• What would best describe your personality?
• "I Believe" by Blessed Union of Souls. Wow. is the ipod trying to tell me something here? Because I'm probably the most cynical non-believer I know.
  
• What do you like in a guy/girl?
• "Unpretty" by TLC... HAHAHA this is hilarious because although I loved him dearly my ex seriously was NOT a good looking dude. Hopefully the future will find me something different in the opposite sex
  
• How do you feel today?
• "Wipe me down" by Foxx ft. Lil Boosie and Webbie ... ha. well I wouldn't say I'm feeling THAT volatile today, but any other day, sure.
  
• What is your life’s purpose?
• "Party Like a Rockstar" by the Shop Boyz. HAHAH... honestly, this might just be the truth.
  
• What is your motto?
• "I'm Movin on" by Rascal Flatts.... okay maybe it's not currently, but it oughta be. Surely we've all caught the recurring ex-boyfriend theme that continues to drag my life down
  
• What do your friends think of you?
• "The Best is Yet to Come" by Michael Buble... nice thought. Maybe my friends think I'm this much of a disaster so the best HAS to be coming?
  
• What do you think about very often?
• "Why can't you love me?" - Wade Bowen & West 84... yiiiiiikes. iPod, get out of my brain!
  
• What is your life story?
• "Keep Holding On" Avril Lavigne... okay my life is not this depressing, I promise. Or is it? yiiiikes again!
  
• What do you want to be when you grow up?
• "I'm in love" Eli Young Band... ha. okay, yes, but there are a lot of other things I'd like to be too!
  
• What will you dance to at your wedding?
• "When the Sand Runs Out" - Rascal Flatts... okay I HIGHLY doubt I am dancing to rascall flats at my wedding, and certainly not this song.
  
• What will they play at your funeral?
• "Lean like a Cholo" HAHAHAHA.... i hope they play lean like a cholo at my funeral. Jesus, I thought my mother hated me now. She would SERIOUSLY hate me.
  
• (e.t.a. - if something freaky happens in my sleep and I die and someone happens to find this blog... dear God please DO NOT play lean like a cholo at my funeral. k thanks)
  
• What is your favorite hobby/interest?
• "Hanginaround" by Counting Crows... this is prob. true. I do love just hanging out with friends
  
• What is your biggest fear?
• "Forgotten" by Avril Lavigne ... okay this is for sure true. I would definitely say my biggest fear is being forgotten by friends or whomever. Generall just being ordinary and forgettable really... I need to be EXTRAORDINARY! (Grey's Anatomy? Anyone? Anyone?!)
  

Alright, it's time for this girl to hit the hay... good nite moon.

My mom hates me SO MUCH!

Okay so I saw someone talking about this on a blog earlier, and have spent the last hour thinking of both funny and not so funny six word memoirs of my life... here are some examples:

Make Mistakes; God still loves me.

Mom. Dad. I'm Gay. I'm sorry.

Not Quite What I Was Planning.


I think that at this point in my life, mine would be "My mom hates me SO MUCH!"... of course I've come up with several others:

"I may be fat; you're ugly"

"Oh go get a life already"

"Sorry for being an insensitive asshole"


So... if there's anyone out there... what's your 6 word memoir?

I'm fat because I'm so good looking, talented, witty, intelligent and wonderful.

I love my friends...

So I've been a bad blogger as of late. I really started this blog to write about all the hilarious/ridiculous things that happen to me, but it seems like the only time I think about something to write I'm not at my computer, and by the time I get to a computer all I want to write about is bitching.
Summer school starts in a week so that's going to be my new semester goal... less bitching, more writing about funny things. So, here goes:

One of my friends sent me a text message earlier today that said:

"I threw up in the car on the way to my cousins wedding shower today. My mom hates me so much."

Especially hilarious because seriously, the phrase "my mom hates me" has come out of my mouth about 400 times over the last week since I've been home for the little break in between spring semester and summer semester. And as our text message convo progressed she pointed out that once she moves out of her parents house next week and into her new apartment in the city her mother is going to be babbling on about how much she misses her.

WHY IS THAT?! My mom acts like I am just the bane of her existence and am going to ruin the family's good name with my drunken antics, and then as soon as she gets to the airport to drop me off to send me back to school she starts blubbering about how much she loves me and will miss me.

SO there you have it... my thought for the day. Have some friends coming over tomorrow to hang out poolside for Memorial Day so I'm sure I'll have some more deep thoughts to share after that.

First grade of the semester is in...

Well the first grade of the semester is in.... not so great. I wasn't expecting it to be great though because contracts SUCKS and the exam was a little biotch, but then I heard that a couple people who I think are total DUMB-DUMB'S did significantly better than me. And now, I am SUPER CRANKY! So cranky that the only way i can talk about it is with LOTS OF CAPITAL LETTERS!

So if dumb-dumb's did better than me, what does that make me?! UGHHHH!!!!


I wish I had known today when I was shopping that I was engaging in retail therapy. UGH!

Catching up...

Oh man... I love being home with no work and no class... so much good stuff to catch up on! Last nite I watched the Academy of Country Music Awards... so good. I LOOOOOVE Taylor Swift, and at first I was a little weirded out by her hooded sweatshirt to awkward dress to weird water scene performance but now that I've had 24 hours to digest I've decided that I still love her. She's so pretty... but she is seriously SO awkward looking. She has the gangliest legs. But whatever, I can deal with it.

Also, Carrie Underwood.... are you even real?! Seriously.... how is it possible for someone to be so pretty? Tony Romo seriously F'ed that one up....

which bring me to my next thought - Jessica Simpson. It's over, right?! Let's get that out of our system before football season starts up again, please. And then date me. Anyway - about the Simpson girls... I really just want to see pictures of Ashlee's dress, etc. Where are the freaking pictures?!

And finally... Desperate Housewives finale was last nite and it was SOOOOO good. The worst part is waiting for the next season now.... booo.

DUNZO!

Finally finished with exams and now I'm back at home for a couple weeks until summer school starts.

Contracts was really tough, but at least it's over. Assuming I passed everything I am done with 1 year of law school. I'm still a couple classes behind the full-time students but I will catch up and graduate with them in two years... CRAZY.

It's a nice feeling to be done, and I think it's only going to get better from here. I know I'll be taking more classes, and still have some tough classes, but I also get to take classes that I'm interested in, and I know what I'm doing (more or less).

Of course with all of this, I'm just feeling more pressure. Where am I going to live when I graduate? Where am I going to take the bar? Where am I going to work! AH!!!

Looking back...

I can't even believe it's been a year this weekend since graduation... honestly, where did the time go?! I'd like to offer something insightful about how I've grown up and learned things and blah blah blah... but really, all I know is:

"the more things change, the more they stay the same"


and I am constantly amazed at how true this is...

Sex and The City

So in honor of the new movie coming up at the end of this month, I was catching some eipsodes of Sex and the City on TBS.

It was the episode where Carrie runs into Aiden while he's standing outside on the street and he turns around and is carrying a baby in one of those sling thingies... they kinda share a moment like "it's so good to see you, glad you're happy, I'm happy too, guess things worked out okay for everyone" etc.

I won't if I will ever have a moment like that with my ex. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever see him again. I guess this time a year ago that would have sent me into hysterical crying, but today? I don't even know how I feel. Weird.

I suppose I hope that I will feel that way sometime.... or do I even want to? I'd almost rather forget him and move on. Weird.

Daley Center Thoughts

Two thoughts after today's trip to the Daley Center to give a courtesy copy to a judge:

1) The Daley Center smells like band-aids. Gross.

2) The Daley Center has the slowest elevators in the world. Seriously. Takes 10 minutes to get to the 6th floor. So Annoying.

Big week

Well... in the last week I have turned 23 and completed my civil procedure course... YAY!
I know... 23... so young. Whatev. Now just contracts on 1 week stands between me and finishing my first year of law school. WEIRD.

Of course there are those pesky 6 hours of summer school, but whatever... it's SUMMER!